FEELING OVERWHELMED AND FRUSTRATED?

Recently one of my Pup Talk The Pack membership clients posted in the group about feeling completely overwhelmed and frustrated. They could see the progress they’ve made over the last 6 months, but the number of struggles they still had felt like such a challenge.

Feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with our dogs is so much more common than we think. Especially in the first year of getting a dog (but it can happen at any time). Whether you’ve got a puppy, a teenage dog, or older rehomed or rescue dog – the first year can be especially tough going. It feels like a long time, surely we should have made more progress by now!

I don’t mind admitting that six months ago I was really struggling with Bodie. He’d been with us for a year and, although I could see some things that had got better, there were still many behaviours that were a real challenge. Progress felt so slow. At times we’d feel like we were going backwards.

I feel your pain!

A Collie Lurcher X, Bodie came to us an unruly, over-excitable, jumping, hyper-vigilant and anxious 8-month-old lad. He’d been in and out of Battersea Dogs and Cats Home twice already. He had no idea how to greet another dog that didn’t involve stalking them, then rushing up to them and washing their muzzle, followed by extremely boisterous play. He loved people, especially if he could jump up and wash their faces. But he was scared of anyone going near his head and uncomfortable with any real physical contact.

After a year I’d say the positives were:
✅ We’d managed to stop the jumping up at the kitchen worktop.
✅ We could put his harness on fairly easily.
✅ He’d jump into the car ok and sit to have his seat belt clip done up (if we had some food in our hands).
✅ We’d just started being able to run our hands over his head/wipe an eye.
✅ He’d started to wag his tail a bit more.

The not-so positives!:
❌ He’d still try to run and greet people and dogs in the park. A soggy, muddy long-line was our life!
❌ He’d ‘pogo’ on the lead at times when there were people close to us, especially if they smiled at him.
❌ He’d still jump up at some people if he could reach.
❌ He likes to roll in the occasional fresh dog poo.
❌ Evening ‘action prompting’ – barking and whining at us to play when he’s too tired.
❌ Barking in the garden at magpies and pigeons.
❌ Charging towards and frenzied barking at a squirrel or local cat that briefly felt brave on the garden fence.
❌ He’s got more reactive in lockdown to the front door knocking or deliveries.
❌ General over-excitement, especially jumping and nipping with my partner Ash.
❌ Struggling to be in a separate room from us, if we were both trying to do client zooms.
❌ Night time barking at noises.
❌ We couldn’t do any handling of his feet.
I could go on!

I think the list of struggles always feels so much longer because we don’t notice all the things that aren’t a struggle. Because we’ve started to take them for granted. There are actually loads more ✅ ✅ I could now add to the list above, but I tend to ignore them because they’re ‘the norm’. I’m taking them for granted.

If you’re feeling like life with your pup is tough going, try and write a list of all the things that are not a problem. Once you start, you’ll probably realise there are many more things that you think. Don’t forget some of the things that you might be taking for granted. Toilet training might be all sorted now. Or you can put their collar on without a struggle.

Even if you can see small progress, I know just how easy it is to see the mountain of all the things you are still struggling with. Or you ‘fix’ one thing and then a new struggle pops up!

Where should you start?

People often ask me where do they start, when there are so many problems they want to work on? It’s fine to list out all the struggles and behaviours that you’d like to change. But then pick just 3 that will have the biggest impact – on your life and theirs. Start there. Feel free to use the free Facebook group – Pup Talk with Niki French – for support and encouragement along the way. If you feel you need more help with this step, do get in touch with me for an online consultation and games plan.

By focussing on the 3 biggest struggles, you can make real progress. If you are using concept training, you are working on key principals you want your dog to understand (like calmness, confidence or disengagement). This is different to more traditional behaviour/trick training. You are rewiring your dog’s brains so that they make different decisions. So you may find that some of the other struggles reduce or go away, because you’ve unlocked a bottleneck that’s triggering other behaviours.

Throughout life, our dogs’ brains are being shaped by the world around them. They are aware of so many more things than we notice. Plus big life events happen, as well as them changing naturally as they grow through life stages from puppies through to being senior dogs. You can have tools to help your dog, whatever goes on in life.

Celebrate those wins!

Celebrate every tiny win. And don’t beat yourself up if you have a bad day (or six). Progress is never a straight upward curve.

I remember weeks of feeling like I’d really regressed with Bodie that culminated in him slipping his harness one morning as I was trying to wipe fresh poo off his neck and out of his ear. He took off down the other end of the park to run up to a Collie that was not happy about it. I ran up the field to retrieve him as the other dog’s owner was trying to keep his dog off Bodie. I tried to walk calmly back to the car with him and not make a big deal about it. But I was in tears on the way home; I felt like massive failure.

And then a few days later we had the most brilliant walk. We played games, he had fun, I felt like I knew what I was doing. I felt he was totally connected with me.

Slowly we continue to make progress. We still have a long way to go to a relaxed, happy and reliable dog that we can let off the lead anywhere. But it’s the most rewarding journey I’ve ever been on.

Look at each struggle as an opportunity to play a game! If you have fun with your dog, training stops being a chore, something to tick off a list and it’s done. Think of this is a life-long journey of playing games together. You just happen to be reshaping their brains (and therefore their behaviours) by playing the right games!

If you’re not in the free Facebook group – Pup Talk with Niki French – jump in now for more help and support.